Automatic phone script from the Psychiatric Hotline:
Hello and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly..
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2..
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, and 5..
- If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on
the line while we trace the call and come to your house..
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a tiny little voice will tell
you which number to press.
- And if you are manic-depressive, it just doesn't matter which number
you press. No one wants to talk to you anyway.
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